Sunday, August 10, 2014

Why I am choosing running over pain meds

Yes, running takes time. Yes, running is boring. Yes, running doesn't always feel great.

Why do I choose that to manage pain over pain meds? Because my family has a predisposition to addiction and pain medication abuse.


Last month we took a family trip to Norther Arizona where we rented a cabin for a week. Halfway up we stopped a McDonald's in Payson, Az for lunch and bathroom break. Since there were so many of us, we chose to sit at one of those long booths that has chairs on one side of the tables and a booth on the other. My sister sat right in the center of the booth to save our seats. She started acting weird. She just had this look on her face. My younger sister and I were wondering if she was hungover or something. Then we watched her try to take a straw wrapper off and she couldn't do it. My other sister said, "I think she's on something." Then my brother came over with his trays of lunch for his daughters and sat them on the table. My sister said to him, "These seats are saved," as if he were a stranger. My brother didn't say anything. I guess he thought she was joking or something. He just went and rounded up the kids. But then she started staring off. My dad came over and sat down with his lunch. He asked if she was okay and she kind of started bobbing back and forth. There was an urgent care across the street so we sent my other sister over to get a wheel chair. I sat next to her and asked her some questions. She tried to tell me something but it was all slurred. I think she was in the middle of having a seizure. My sister got back at this point and told us that urgent care wouldn't see her. They said if we brought her in that they would just call an ambulance because it sounded like an overdose. I asked her something else and she was completely unresponsive. So I told my dad it was time to get her to the ER. My dad was scared out of his mind and said that maybe we weren't supposed to move her. And I insisted that we move her and get her in the car. So from center of this long booth, I sat next to my sister and pushed her inch by inch out of the booth. My dad and husband were at the end of the booth ready to catch her while my brother was out pulling up the car to the door. My dad and husband got her arms over their shoulders and proceeded to walk her out of the McDonald's. At this point her son started to notice something was wrong and freaked out a little bit. I made him stay with me and he kept saying, "I want my mom! I want my mom!" They got her in the car and took her to the ER. By then she had stopped seizing and was able to tell them she took three somas that morning. She said one she took by accident and just grabbed the wrong pill. Given her history I'm not inclined to believe it. I want to. But I just can't. They kept her at the hospital for monitoring and the rest of us siblings drove to the cabin with all the kids.

It was very scary. It was very nerve wracking to have to make decisions for her when we didn't know what was going on exactly. It was sad to watch her son watch all of this. And then when we drove home from the cabin a few days later we didn't even want to stop there because it gave us anxiety (it's one of about two places to stop in Payson). She's fine now, but I wonder if it caused any brain damage.

People with addictions and abuse think they are only damaging themselves. But they aren't! It affects everyone around them! It's a very selfish thing to do. Take care that I am not saying everyone who takes pain meds is selfish. I am saying if pain meds are abused it affects everyone around that person!

I know that my pain will get worse and that I will likely need to find other methods of pain management. I know that pain is very real. When I say these things about not taking drugs, etc people assume I don't know what their pain feels like. I know pain! Trust me! Four years ago I was walking with a cane and a walker! I still can't do certain motions because it takes me out for an entire day (whatever motion you do when scrubbing something like a bathtub or floor kills my hips for a few days no matter how good I feel from running). I know what it feels like to be in pain.

I can't make a lot of promises where my health is concerned because no one knows that future. But I promised my husband that night that if he ever had to take me to the hospital it wouldn't be for a drug overdose. I am going to ride this for as long as possible. As long as running keeps me pain free I am going to do it. And because I have witnessed on several occasions my families predisposition to addiction I will not pain meds. Even if I have to run for hours a day in the pouring rain, bored as heck, whatever. . .  I'm not taking drugs. I will never be the source of that pain to my family.

Please remember, anyone reading this, that this is a personal declaration. I am not judging anyone or trying to say anything about anyone's method of pain management. This is my personal choice and it is based on my experiences with my own family and my own EDS III. I am aware that everyone situations are unique and I am not judging anyone. I am only saying that in as far as I can control it, I will do what I can to not make my family worry about me or have to take me to an ER from a Mcdonald's!

I will run myself right out of this world before I make my children or husband watch me sell all my hopes, dreams, personality, life and everything else to a prescription.

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