That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Ha! Stronger than what? Anyone who knows me and has seen me waddle up the two steps at church to get on the podium with the assistance of both arms pushing myself up  using the little half walls as supports  is probably laughing at the prospect of me running a half marathon. Or running at all! I have this waddle walk I do just because it feels better on my hips to waddle than it does to walk. When I imagine myself running I imagine the stay puft marshmallow guy from Ghostbusters waddling slowly through the city putting all weight on one leg or the other. That’s the point at which I am at right now, but over the next nine months I plan to resemble Usain Bolt. J (Shoot for the moon, right)?

Right now I don’t feel physically strong. I feel very loose and fluffy like the stay puft marshmallow man. But I do feel mentally strong and I know that’s what I need to get from marshmallow to Bolt J There’s nothing like your own family members laughing at you when you mention doing anything physical to make you more determined! I feel that my mind is in the right place to achieve my goals. I hope to transfer this mental determination and strength to physical determination and strength over the next few months.

I draw on several sources for my mental strength, but I want to focus on just one today. But as a forewarning I want to explain that I am in no way trying to downplay the severity or devastation of terminal illnesses. I understand the pain of terminal illness as I have had close friends suffer and die from such things. Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (type III) is not terminal. You have to wake up every day in excrutiating pain, go throughout a normal day of taking kids to school, housework, work-work, volunteering at kids school, playing with kids, preparing meals, changing diapers and all other daily tasks in pain and then you go to bed at night where some might find relief from a hectic day but where those with EDS then experience adrenaline surges and rapid heart rate keeping awake and a full night of restless sleep dislocating every time you turn over in your bed. Then you wake up to do it all again. Don’t mistake this for complaining or me wishing for the sweet relief of death. I am merely trying to explain that there are people out there that suffer every day and must endure long lives taking care of families and themselves. (And I’ll take this little side not opportunity to say that I am grateful my illness is not terminal and grateful that I can still take care of my family and myself).

I say this in hopes that some may gain an understanding of why I am choosing to run this race. I am not a runner. And when I hear of people running marathons I think they are kooky for putting themselves through pain just to run around like crazy people. But every day of my life is controlled by my EDS. Brushing my hair hurts (so I cut it all off J)  Brushing my teeth hurts. Carrying a laundry basket hurts. Holding the steering wheel on my car hurts. In case you haven’t picked up on it yet my problem areas are my hands and my hips. There are many days that I waive my white flag and give in. But it is time to take charge of my own life. To drive my car even though it hurts. To carry my laundry basket even though it hurts. To hold my children when they need me to even though it hurts. In enduring what I must go through to compete in this race I will always have this experience for the rest of my life to draw on. When my accident prone children fall and hurt themselves I will be able to hold them even though it hurts as I remind myself that I ran a marathon even though it hurt, so I can certainly hold my child for a minute or two.

I draw my strength from the many in this world who must endure a lifetime of pain and struggle and do it without complaint and make the best of it. I hope to in turn be a source of strength and inspiration to those who will never find relief in this life.

The hymn “Lord I Would Follow Thee” says, “. . . In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can’t see.” EDS has not killed me, though there have been many days that I thought, “How is possible to be in so much pain and still be alive?”. I try to remember that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and I remind myself that I am stronger in my own mind and also stronger for others. Strong for those who are quietly suffering in their own bodies and minds.

My mom and I chose to make our journey public so those who are suffering quietly can draw strength from us. I hope we will gain friends through our journey because anyone with EDS knows that we aren’t going to be able to be the strength and support we want to be all the time and may needs some friends to lift us up and keep us going. I know we are not alone in this. Please feel free to follow our blog, comment here or tell us your own story. You can contact us at arizonaeds@cox.net. Or just leave us a comment here! Together we will become stronger in body and mind!

Melissa