5.4 miles today. I am feeling like a miserable failure. I really should be further. I'm frustrated. But I continue to have pain in what my husband helped me discover is called my Psoas muscle. I thought I had given myself enough time to recover, but today it feels worse than ever.
However, I am making other mental breakthroughs that will help me to do better and keep going. Yesterday's post was good for me. It was good to write down a few things. Yes, I want to say that I am doing this for just my kids or just to inspire or for only good things. But the truth is, I need this to heal. And it was good for me to admit that yesterday. It feels good to finally say that yes I am doing this for selfish reasons. Because I have a very hard time dealing with certain aspects of my life: death, mortality, family, betrayal, etc. Running has been the best way I have found to deal and cope. And now that I have finally admitted it, I have felt like I can finally run with a clear mind and focus on the less selfish reasons.
Because of this clearer mind, I woke up this morning excited to start the day and excited to see how far I would run. And I was so excited when I finally got out to run. But then disappointed when the pain hit. But I still ran 5.4 miles. Someone did ask me if I was okay. And I told them that if I didn't do something because it hurt I'd never do anything ever. But I do realize I need to allow myself to heal. But how much time does that take??? Argh! I think I'll try swimming and the elliptical for a few days.
Super frustrated.
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