It’s been a while. I’ve been both busy and kind of depressed and didn’t want to write, I guess. A lot has happened and lot is happening, so I’m going to do separate posts for everything. But in general, just wanted to update and say that I’ve been having a hard time mentally so I went on some medication. I have been working with the same therapist for many years for cognitive behavioral therapy for OCD. I told her in the beginning that I am sort of anti medication. I just don’t like taking medication. I don’t like dealing with side effects. And I’m just not goo about taking medication. Even when I set a reminder on my phone I will turn it off and think to myself that I’ll remember to take my medication next time I’m in the room the medication is in. But I never do remember! So, anyway, the past two sessions my therapist has said that while I’m doing great with the CBT, life just doesn’t need to be this hard. She recommended I try Zoloft or Prozac. So I did my research and decided Prozac might be the best fit for me. I went to the doctor last week and he got me a prescription.
I also went to the doctor twice last week for the hysterectomy I’ve been putting off. I had a pelvic ultrasound on Thursday so the doctor can see if he could see anything that might be urgent. In the meantime we are buying time with birth control so I don’t have cycles. So I’ve been thinking about when the best time to get it is and there just isn’t a good time. So I wrote to director of student services and asked if I could join the cohort that does block 4 over this summer. Then I’d have the hysterectomy first week of August, then take the NCLEX in September and start working. We’ll see what happens. I know they don’t like the CEP students to accelerate their nursing program, but I hope they will make an exception for me with health concerns. It does make me a little sad to think that I won’t finish with my cohort, but I have to think about my mental and physical heath right now. I think getting the hysterectomy will also help with some of my mental struggles. And finishing school sooner than later will also help. It’s also messing with me that I feel like school is all I do. I have to be somewhere all the time, or I have to be reading something all the time, something due, or someone needs something. I’m just tired. Doing it this summer would be unpleasant because I’d go to school tues Wednesday thurs, then work Friday Saturday Sunday from May 14th-august 1. By some random stroke of luck they do have the week off of school that we’re doing the family reunion at Disneyland. But we wouldn’t be able to go to the cabin this summer which makes me very sad. Oh, and I can’t swim at all. Being in AZ over the summer and not being able to swim sound terrible! But I have to put my physical and mental health at the forefront. We’ll see what they say. I think they would let me transfer into that cohort, but I don’t think they’d like me messing up my CEP schedule. So we’ll see.
In other news, things are okay at home. I still feel like Garren likes his assistant more than me or just doesn’t like me at all. I’m trying to link the feelings with OCD, but I just don’t feel like he cares about me. He laughs at text messages from his assistant while he ignores mine altogether. I’ll tell him I have a lot on my mind or I’m overwhelmed and he will just act like I’ve said nothing at all. Doesn’t respond, doesn’t ask how he can help. Another reason I just need to get school over with. Maybe if I can stop feeling overwhelmed by life and expecting Garren to notice I’m drowning and wishing I wouldn’t wake up in the morning, maybe I can stop resenting him for feeling this way. So to save my marriage, too, I just need to get school done with.
Anyway, I’ll do separate posts for the happenings lately.
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