Monday August 28 (Post for week Aug 21-27)

 I started Block II of nursing school this past week. It was very overwhelming and very stressful. I almost withdrew. The week before school our teacher opened the class. When I went in to look at it there were so many assignments and a very long list of things to do before our first class on Tuesday. Not only were there a lot of things to do, but the entire class was so confusing. The modules, the syllabus, everything was just a mess. It took me forever to figure out how to make heads and tails of it. I was so overwhelmed. I just made a list and got to work. I was able to do everything before class, but it was such a pain the rear. 

Classes started on Tuesday. My teacher is foreign, so trying to figure out what he was saying and talking about was a challenge in itself. He’s a nice guy, though. When we all told him how confusing his class modules and other things were he said he would try to make it better. He’s primarily going to teach us psych this semester. I feel like I have a pretty good grasp of psych. I think I’ll do alright there. The meds are going to be my downfall, though. I can’t seem to commit any of it to memory!

When I got home Tuesday I started on my assignments and studying right away. I got overwhelmed with the kids asking me questions, needing things, and Garren working upstairs and not helping with the kids questions. I said that I couldn’t do everything in a very frustrated tone. This made Garren upset and he took it very personally thinking I was saying he doesn’t do anything. But all i was saying was that I had a list of 100 things to do and that I couldn’t do everything I needed to do. He kept wanting to fight about it. I wanted to leave and go back to doing my homework but he just kept going and going and wanted to fight about it. So I figured he was trying to let me know how my stress was impacting him. So after about an hour of screaming I ended up sleeping in the guest room. I stayed up for a while and thought about what the best thing was for my family. I decided it would be to drop out of school because I think this is too much for my family and my marriage won’t survive it. 

The next morning I threw my scrubs away, threw out my lab tote, and drove to school to withdraw. I got as far as the traffic light to leave my neighborhood and felt like I would regret it. So I turned around and got my backpack. I went to lecture that day and decided I would stay at least through the first exam and re evaluate. But at this moment I’m really not feeling great about it and I just don’t feel like my family will survive this. I told Garren I was going to drop out and he said, “Don’t do that because then you’ll resent me forever.” Yes, that is exactly what will happen. But something has to give. We can’t fight every day. I feel like he resents me for doing it and I would resent him if I didn’t do it. But it always lands on me to make up the difference. From the day we got married, it has always landed on me. When we got married he couldn’t work because he was in law school, so I had to get a job at the laundromat. I have a hundred other examples like that of me having to sacrifice to make up the difference, but it will just put me in a really bad place in my mind if I go there. So anyway, my point is, that I ask him to work less (and have asked him since before I even started school last year), but he won’t. So it will come down to me having to give this up so we can function as a family. We can’t both burn the candle at both ends. I’m going to give it everything I can, but I am not feeling very optimistic right now. 

I talked to someone else in my class who also has a kid at home and a husband and household to care for hoping she had something helpful to say. But she told me that she is feeling the same way and things she might drop out too! We’ve both committed to staying through the first exam and will reevaluate at that time. 

Here’s to hoping this upcoming week will be better!

Flash back Friday (May 9-Aug28th)

 Yes, I realize it isn’t Friday. I was delinquent this summer on keeping up with my blog. I thought about it just about every week. But something always came up. So, here I am, one week into second block and just now resuming. So, here’s what happened this summer!

MAY

So, I started my new job at Springdale. And it was terrible. I like working with patients in long term care, but the people I worked with were. . .  I have nothing nice to say. Infection control was abysmal. Nearly the entire facility was always on precautions for scabies, then we had a TB scare, then Covid came through. . . Long story short, it didn’t work out. . . 

Miriam had a swim competition in Las Vegas. She and I went together. She got to miss a day of school. We stayed at the Orleans hotel. That was fun, except when the people below us had a huge loud party. The hotel let us switch rooms though, so that was good. It was just annoying that we had to do it at 3 am. I introduce Miriam to the show Supernatural this summer and we stayed up late together watching it every night. I forget how her team placed at the competition, but it was fun to be there and a trip I’ll remember forever. I took her to the strip and we watched the volcano at the mirage, ate macarons at the macaron shop in the Venetian, and we harvested our own pearls to make into jewelry at the Pearl Factory in the Venetian. She had her pearl put inside a pineapple necklace and I had mine put on a flower ring. We did way more shopping than we should have, but it was so fun. On the way there I stopped at a jewelry store on the side of the road and bought a pearl necklace with pearl made from a purple thorny oyster. I’ll have to post a pic of it later as I forgot to take one at the time. (I’m at work right now on a break and am limited to pictures I have on hand). 

Later in the month we had new light fixtures installed in the house. Garren and I spent an entire weekend shopping for them. It was fun. Well, I had fun. He probably wanted to claw his eyes out. Jk, I think he enjoyed it. We had been talking about putting lights outside by the grill and the side of the house with the trash cans since we moved in. So, I think he was glad to finally do that. 

We had lights beside our bed in Virginia and missed them every day! We’d comment often about how we wished we had our lights beside our bed. YOu can control their brightness with the switch below them. 

99.9% sure our neighbors hate us for installing this light. 

The outside lights are sensores so they turn on with movement. Perfect for taking out the trash at night.

And finally, Joshua interviewed for a job at Peter Piper Pizza at the end of May. He got the job! He has taken four years of Spanish at school, so the manager asked him to order a pizza a Spanish (or something like that). I think that’s what got him the job!

Oh, and Josh went on a school trip to Washington, D.C. Trip of a lifetime. He is still talking about it. He didn’t send me any pictures to post. But I tracked him one day and took this one. Ha!

The pets being cute in May.

And last, but not least, Sugar thinking she’s a lap dog. . . In May.

JUNE

In June, I finally got my citrine geode from Brazil that I have been wanting forever. Garren went and ruined it by putting two grapefruits at the base to make it look like a penis and testicles. Now that’s all I see when I look at it!

We also bought a new stove. It’s a convection stove. The water boils instantly! Well, within a minute. It’s amazing.

And Josh started working at PPP!

Had to throw this pic in. This is exactly how he looked to me in my mind as I watched him drive away to his new job. 

Miriam and I spent a day at my sister’s watching her kids so she could get stuff done. Hardest day ever! I don’t know how she does it. My kids were never that challenging. They’re sweet kids, but very challenging. They’re going to be very headstrong young women one day.

Miriam got to go to girl’s camp in June. She loved it and can’t wait to go again next year.

Josh and I spent a day together in Scottsdale. We went the expressionist art exhibit where they project the art work onto the wall while playing music in the background. Then he and I went to the mall nearby and checked out the Teslas and the Lucius. It was a fun day.

Miriam and I spent a day together at As you Wish where we did paint your pottery. We had fun, but she thought I spent too long on my Pyrex inspired dish.

Seamus came over and spent a day with us. I wish we could have him over more often, but my life is out of control right now. I also get so sad at how much Cyndie has missed out on. It’s overwhelming sometimes. 

Later in June we went to the cabin.

Josh and I went fishing with my dad at Big Lake and we caught some fish.

We made fish tacos with them. I’m surprised Josh was willing to eat them.

We spent lots of time at the Creek! Our favorite place!

Sugar had a blast. She was so silly. I have a video that I’ll figure out how to upload one day.

And Sugar being a lap dog.

Josh fishing at Big Lake with my Dad!

A bald eagle made a nest in this tree. I tried to get a picture, but couldn’t get close enough.

Garren bought himself a new car. I’ll be honest. . . It ticked me off. Our entire marriage I have always said how the BMW 3 series is my favorite car and he always says, “Get the idea out of your head because you’ll never have one as long as we’re married.” And then he went and bought one. Whatever. 

We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary up at the cabin. It was a nice day. We went horseback riding, went out to lunch, then Garren bought me a wedding ring since I outgrew the originals after having kids. I love the ring! 

I’ll admit, this anniversary was a tough one. Garren has been working about 16 hours a day for the past. . . Year and a half! I have been feeling like he doesn’t like me, doesn’t want to spend time with me. He never really wants to do anything with me. I brought this to his attention and he is the one that organized the horseback riding. But I don’t know how to feel right now. I still feel like he doesn’t want to spend any time with me. I’m not really sure what to do about it. I try to organize things, but I feel like it’s always me.  He did set up a date a few eels ago for us. So maybe he’s realizing he can’t just work 16 hours a day, ignore me, then come to bed and expect me to have any desire to be intimate. I don’t know, it’s just really hard right now. We’re going through a rough patch, I guess. 

JULY

I spent the first half of July isolated in my room with Covid because my facility’s infection control is abysmal. I also got job interviews with Banner and had to do some virtually because I was sick. I would come out of my room early in the morning and get a few cups of water and other things I would need for the day then go isolate in my room. Garren slept in the guest bedroom. I would test myself every other day. Every time it came up positive I saw this in my head: 

Once I was over it I did an in person interview at Banner Heart Hospital here in Mesa next to Banner Baywood. A few days later I was offered all the jobs I interviewed for! I accepted the one with Banner Heart!

After I got over Covid, we went camping at Big Lake.We also spent more time at the cabin and creek as well. 

 

Walking on the golf course, our favorite evening activity.

More creek. Can’t get enough of it.

Kayaking on Big Lake.

Sugar is a terrible camper. So am I, if I’m being honest. But for reals, never again.

Evening at Big Lake.

It’s hard for me to camp physically. I can’t sleep anywhere but my own bed because of my EDS. But I do enjoy doing it anyway because I love being with my family. I love being away from the everyday stressors like work and chores. At home I always feel like I “should” be doing something. But I don’t feel that way while we’re camping or at the cabin. 

At the end of July Miriam started 8th grade. I’m the worst with pictures so I forgot first day of school pictures for both kids. Pretty sure this was the end of the second day of school. . . 

At the end of July I started my job and also started an EKG class to become a cardiographic technician. 

AUGUST

After both kids started school I started my new job. I have loved it so far. Everyone I work with seems happy to be here. It’s been really great. I keep seeing things and being a part of things that are inspiring. 

I finished my EKG class. This has made it so I can work in the monitor room here. (That’s where I am at right now). 

The only other things I have pictures of at the moment is the Fiesta Mall being torn down. I can’t believe it. So much of my childhood was here. 

I started school this past week. More on that in another post. 

It was a great summer. . . Minus the Covid. . . . 

Pets loving on me. 

OH! ANd the last thing that happened this month. . . . Ashley paid off the business! So I am officially no longer tied to Window Treatments by Melissa. Kind of a bitter sweet day.