Tuesday, November 7th, 2023 (post for 10/22—11/7)

 It’s been so busy these past few weeks that I find myself falling asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I hate that. I like to lay in bed and unwind, read from my cooking magazines and watch some garbage on tv. 

Monday the 23rd of October was my first clinical day on a med/surg unit. It was spectacularly dull, which is exactly what I needed for day 1. I got to do med pass with the nurse and sub-q injections. 

Work has been good. We’re getting busier because the snow birds are coming back. I get to remove IVs on discharging patients now, so that’s an exciting new responsibility. Working the floor is kind of killing my body and kind of killing my spirit. I am going to try to transfer to the monitor room full time in the spring of next year. I’m going to wait until after I get a position as a nurse extern. 

School has been good. We’re in med/surg now and this stuff kind of clicks with me. We’re doing the endocrine system, cardiovascular, immune system, etc.

The temperatures are finally dropping a bit so I can go with Miriam to swim before I go to work. I enjoy watching her. 

This is my view from where I sit.

Miriam is in the white cap.

. . . Holding her hands up.

On Monday the 30th of October, I had my second clinical at Chandler Regional. It was another boring day. I was on the trauma med/surg which sounds exciting, but it was not. And that was fine. I like it when it’s dull so I can absorb what’s going on and take things at a slow pace. I asked my clinical instructor if we could leave early so Josh and I could go to Phoenix for the World Series game. It was so fun. We got there about the 5th inning. We got hot dogs from a vendor and sat on the sidewalk and watched the game on screens outside the stadium with everyone else who didn’t have tickets. They lost. So that wasn’t fun. But it was a good game. Then Josh and I went to a place called Insomnia Cookie. We got to custom create our own ice cream sandwiches with cookies. Good memories!

Miriam has been taking pictures from the telescope. It’s broken so she’s asking for one for Christmas. The pictures still come out great even though it’s broken!

Halloween was busy. I was studying for an exam, there was another World Series game to watch, and it was halloween! Garren passed out candy while I studied. Miriam and her friend, Audrey, went trick or treating—dressed up as ghost busters. Joshua worked. 

 I studied while watching the World Series game. They had a moving moment during the game that made me cry. Stand up to Cancer gave everyone cards to write names on of people they knew that had cancer. Then they had everyone stand for a few minutes and hold up their cards. It was really emotional. I thought of both Linda and my very good friend, Cecilia, who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. 

On Wednesday, Nov 1st, I had my first med/surg exam. I didn’t do too bad! I scored in the “upper quartile.” I’ll take it! It’s equivalent to an 86%. Fine by me!

Sometimes when I’m at work I like to look around at what jobs banner has available. I found my dream job. It’s in oncology. That’s an area I’m passionate about. It’s in the stem cell transplant unit. I went with Linda once to one of her infusion appointments. I loved the environment, I loved the process, I loved it all. It’s not an exciting area as it is outpatient and people are just hooking up to bags of stuff being infused through a port. But I still loved it! With my masters it could eventually lead to research in that area!

I hope this job is available when the time comes. I’d really love this to be my first job as a nurse. 

Yesterday, I had my third clinical day. It was great because I got to start an IV and do a straight cath. I did both with success, though my teacher had to do a lot of the “finding” work for the IV. So, I didn’t love it. . .  I felt like I should have been excited, but I wasn’t. It also was very painful for me with my EDS to stand over the patient for a long time to find an IV site and to wait for their bladder to drain. I am still in a lot of pain today from it. I think that bed side nursing is physically not something I’m going to be able to do, unfortunately. That also throws out any thought of doing CRNA as well. I’ve spent most of the day kind of coming to grips with that and accepting that I am limited. Going back to the job I found , though, I think the job in the stem cell unit could definitely be realistic for me. It’s outpatient so the patients are mobile. I’m not going to be lifting people, turning people, transferring people, etc. So I am feeling more and more like an outpatient situation is going to be best for me.

On the more silly side of it all, when i did the straight cath I was so nervous that I was clumsy about everything. First I put on sterile gloves that were too small so my hands were all contracted looking. I took those off and went to put on another pair and I dropped them on the floor! Then all I had left were the ones that come in the straight cath kit and I pulled to hard on them getting them on and tore them! My teacher said, “You have to keep going, we’ve already started. Can’t leave the sterile field.” It was embarrassing. But I emptied the man’s bladder so the task was accomplished.

Today as I was still in pain from clinical and wildly depressed, I took the day to just catch up on some things. I went to the plasma center to find out why they are deferring me (low protein—I knew that, but whatever. I’m doing plasma so I can get extra $ for a family vacation. Garren’s biggest anxiety in life is our retirement money, so he doesn’t like to spend money on vacations. So I am doing what I can). Then I went to the dentists office to make our next appointments because I forgot to do that when we left the other day. Then I went to Costco, then Fry’s. Then I went to lunch with Garren. Then Got Miriam from school, then took a nap and now here I am! I just needed to sit with this new realization that I am limited and not going to be able to do all of the things I want to do in life. 

Oh, and about clinical. I also left feeling really bad because my teacher was teaching EKG rhythms, but she said something that I could not let go. I’m writing it here so that anyone who might be reading this will please learn from this and please DON’T BE THAT NURSE THAT WE TALK ABOUT IN THE MONITOR ROOM! She said a monitor tech called her and asked her what a paced patient’s underlying rhythm was. And she told them there is no underlying rhythm, that’s why they have a pacemaker. But that is 100% wrong! They can have underlying AFib and heart blocks! The heart goes into AFib as a sort of desperate attempt to make a beat. So little impulses start firing in the atria and it quivers. It kind of has a little freak out. So when a pacemaker is put it, an artificial heart beat is created. But the atria doesn’t know that so it is still firing impulses. The pacemaker will make the rhythm regular, but it won’t stop the atria impulses from firing. That has to be corrected with medication or cardioversion. So you can have a regular  paced rhythm with underlying Afib. Here is a picture of it.

Don’t be that nurse. :)

Flashback Friday to May 5, 2022–Miriam’s eye injury

 Sooooooo One time Miriam went to swim. I often stay and watch or do homework while she’s swimming. I had to work that night so I came in my scrubs and planned to go to
work right afterwards. Garren was going to pick her up from swim so I could go to work.

I was sitting on the bleachers doing homework, and all of a sudden I saw Miriam pull herself up out of the pool crying and I saw blood dripping down her face. It was everywhere! So much blood! So I ran her over to the first aid people. She was covering up her eye so I couldn’t see it really well. The first aid person soaked up some of the blood with some gauze and I could see it really well then. Her eye lid looked like when you tear a paper in half down the middle! I said, “I’m just going to take her to my hospital.” So we drove to Mt Vista which was about 1/4 mile from the pool. I couldn’t really look at it because it was making me queezy and I needed to be alert to answer questions. I asked if Dr. Parker, the pediatric plastic surgeon for our hospital, could be the one to fix her face. They called him in Phoenix and asked him to come. He is the best! 

A girl on her team jumped in the water and landed on her face. it looked like maybe her nose clip scraped up her nose then when through her eye lid. We were very lucky that it didn’t do any damage at all to her eye. 

So, Garren had joined us and I had to go to work. It was too late for me to call out. So Garren stayed with her while they stitched her up. I couldn’t even imagine the horror of it all because she had to get stitched up with her eyes open! And they couldn’t cover it up or anything., So she had to watch all of it!! Poor thing. I told my charge nurse I wanted to go down and check on her after I did my first rounds, and she let me. Then I brought Miriam and Garren up to the floor to show them where I work. After seeing Miriam my charge nurse told me I could go home. So that was nice. She stayed home from school the next day and I was able to be with her. 

I had to help her take a bath so she could keep her eye covered. So she bathed in her swim suit. Hee hee.

Dr. Parker did such a nice job with her eye. I am so happy with it. You can hardly tell at all. And the scrape on her nose didn’t leave a scar at all. 

Luckily, Miriam was not too traumatized by this event. She still swims and is great friends with the girl that hit her. And the eye looks great. You really have to look for it to see any scar. 

Sugar took good care of Miriam, too. Sugar is not the greatest dog we’ve ever had. . .  But she is a good friend. Whenever Miriam is sad Sugar is right there. When Miriam had her panic attack before the piano recital last week, Sugar would not leave her side. She’s a good dog. 

I think Miriam should get pink hair again. So fun! And so cute on her! But she colored all my towels pink. 

Sunday October 1st (post for September 18-Oct 1)

 I have a test on Wednesday I should be studying for, but, alas, this is me: 

My friend Trena from Virginia sent me this. I was like, PERFECT! 

The last few weeks have been hard. I’ve been suffering from depression. I find myself just going through the motions. When I get in my car after school or work I used to plug in my phone and list to inspirational “life speak” videos on my Virgin Pulse app (an app that my work provides to get points to put toward our health insurance. I basically get health insurance for free with it). Or I used to turn on the radio or a podcast from Straight A Nursing. Lately, I find myself pulling into my driveway and only realizing then that I drove the entire way home in silence. I find myself disconnected from my friends that I sit with at lunch. I catch up on homework on my iPad instead of taking the break time to catch up with them. I can feel it physically. Every move I make seems to be like wading through molasses. I want to sleep all the time. I find myself at work having no emotion in my reactions or responses to people. I don’t even realize it until after the interaction has taken place. I walk away and think, “Hmm normally I would have been more enthusiastic about that, or I would have felt bad about forgetting a bed alarm, but I felt nothing and had no emotion.” So, I recognize it when it’s happening. But I don’t know what to do about it.

In that past few days I have felt things getting better. I spent sone time playing the piano this morning and really enjoyed it. I took care of my citrus tress last night and all of my indoor plants. I even planted some new plants in mY Gardyn nursery. Those are all things that add to my life and that I really enjoy. So I think I am coming out of it. But it has been very hard. I don’t know what’s contributing to it either. I have been struggling with whether or not I actually want to be a nurse, but I don’t know which came first. I don’t know if I’m depressed because I don’t actually want to be a nurse or if my depression right now is making me think I don’t want to be a nurse. Also, we’re doing psych in school and we’re learning about everything that makes my life sad. So I am just tired of it and I don’t want to hear it anymore. I’m tired of hearing about OCD, about bipolar I (pretty sure my sister, Cyndie, was bipolar), and I’m sick to death of hearing about opioid addiction and abuse. Opioids have ruined my family. I hate them and hate that my family is a statistic. I will never use opioids. Ever. I don’t don’t how severe of a surgery or procedure I have, I will *never* use opioids. I hate them so much. I hate what they’ve done to my family. What they’ve robbed my family of. My children should have had a different experience with their grandmother during this time in their life, but they have what they have. I am just sick to death of all of it and don’t want to read another thing about it.

Here’s one thing that has put a smile on my face these past few days. Someone in our neighborhood has a pet sheep and walks them with their dog!! I want a sheep! Miriam sent me this one night when I was at work. And she texts me every time she sees them around the neighborhood. 

I’ve been really busy with my time very limited. But I still try to be there for my kids to help them when they forget things. Josh has to go to work at Peter Piper right after school some days. He usually just wears his shirt to school, but he forgot to on this day. I happened to be driving by his school, so I brought his shirt. He thought he left the door unlocked, but her didn’t. So I left it on the door handle. Hee hee

Miriam made this in school. She’s a talented artist! I want to hang it up in our house somewhere. 

I also enjoy seeing Miriam do her synchronized swimming. Sometimes they go to other pools if there are scheduling conflicts. This day she was at Mesa High School pool and jumped off the high dive before we left swim that day.

After swim practice, Miriam and I went shopping for a new dress for her to wear to her piano recital that evening. We also got my dad a new tie for his birthday. 

Unfortunately, the piano recital was not to be. Miriam had a panic attack (the first one I’ve seen her have) right as we were supposed to be leaving. She didn’t feel ready for the recital. She was, but for some reason she felt like she wasn’t. I had just learned about panic attacks in school and I recognized what was happening. So we sat on the couch for a little while and just waited for it to pass. It took a while, but we finally got in the car and went to venue. My mom and dad were already there. I had hoped once she got there she would feel differently and want to get up and perform. But she didn’t. When the concert was over and the room emptied, I asked her if she’d play her song for her teach and for grandma and grandpa since they had come out to hear it. She did do that much at least. She played Claire De Lune. Only in my wildest dreams could I play something so pretty. She did a wonderful job.

Joshua has decided to be social this year. He went to homecoming with some friends on Friday night. My shift got canceled at work due to low census, so I was able to get some pictures before he left. So handsome! He looks so good in a suit. Yesterday he drove all the way to Phoenix by himself to go to a Diamondbacks game with his friends! So independent. So proud of him. 

Work is going really well. I love my job. I love my unit. I’m on the CVPCU at Banner Heart. The teamwork on my unit is unlike anything I’ve ever been a part of. Sometimes I work in the monitor room and I really like everyone I work with there too. There’s a sort of “culture” there. Everyone comes to work with a new joke to tell everyone when things start getting slow and we start getting sleepy. One cool thing about the monitor room is that I hand off to a young guy on day shift with autism! It’s neat to see someone with autism able to hold a job like that. Sometimes he has to ask me, “Are you being sarcastic right now because I can’t tell.” I do love my job, but it’s killing me physically. I just try not to think about it. I bought a portable tens unit to wear at work. That helps. But it’s killing me and I won’t be able to do this forever. My manager is letting me do “nurse extern” next year. Starting February I will be able to work as a nurse extern one shift a week. So that will help. And working in the monitor room helps too. But there are weeks when I am on the floor for all 3 shifts and my EDS doesn’t love it! The unit is great for my PTSD counseling though. We can’t have anyone with serious infections or illnesses on the unit because everyone is recovering from open heart surgery. So I won’t be working with any COVIDs. So that’s nice.

In other news, here’s more Fiesta Mall destruction. Such a big part of my childhood! Hard to see it reduced to rubble. Cyndie used to take me shopping here. I remember shopping with my cousin Senta (who is now dead) at this mall one year for Christmas. The Wilcox’s had come down from Utah for Christmas. All of us cousins picked names for a gift exchange and I went shopping here with Senta. We went to Bath and Body Works. This is also where we took our last family picture before the addictions in the family got out of control.

I have an exam coming up this week that I feel good about. I am much more confident than I was last time around. I start clinical rotations tomorrow. First one is at Arizona State Hospital—a psychiatric hospital. This upcoming week is probably going to be the busiest one of the semester. So I’m a little nervous. 

Here we go!

OH! We’re watching conference right now as I type this and they just announced a temple in Roanoke, Va! WOW!! I have no idea where they’ll put it. . . . 

Flash back Friday (May 9-Aug28th)

 Yes, I realize it isn’t Friday. I was delinquent this summer on keeping up with my blog. I thought about it just about every week. But something always came up. So, here I am, one week into second block and just now resuming. So, here’s what happened this summer!

MAY

So, I started my new job at Springdale. And it was terrible. I like working with patients in long term care, but the people I worked with were. . .  I have nothing nice to say. Infection control was abysmal. Nearly the entire facility was always on precautions for scabies, then we had a TB scare, then Covid came through. . . Long story short, it didn’t work out. . . 

Miriam had a swim competition in Las Vegas. She and I went together. She got to miss a day of school. We stayed at the Orleans hotel. That was fun, except when the people below us had a huge loud party. The hotel let us switch rooms though, so that was good. It was just annoying that we had to do it at 3 am. I introduce Miriam to the show Supernatural this summer and we stayed up late together watching it every night. I forget how her team placed at the competition, but it was fun to be there and a trip I’ll remember forever. I took her to the strip and we watched the volcano at the mirage, ate macarons at the macaron shop in the Venetian, and we harvested our own pearls to make into jewelry at the Pearl Factory in the Venetian. She had her pearl put inside a pineapple necklace and I had mine put on a flower ring. We did way more shopping than we should have, but it was so fun. On the way there I stopped at a jewelry store on the side of the road and bought a pearl necklace with pearl made from a purple thorny oyster. I’ll have to post a pic of it later as I forgot to take one at the time. (I’m at work right now on a break and am limited to pictures I have on hand). 

Later in the month we had new light fixtures installed in the house. Garren and I spent an entire weekend shopping for them. It was fun. Well, I had fun. He probably wanted to claw his eyes out. Jk, I think he enjoyed it. We had been talking about putting lights outside by the grill and the side of the house with the trash cans since we moved in. So, I think he was glad to finally do that. 

We had lights beside our bed in Virginia and missed them every day! We’d comment often about how we wished we had our lights beside our bed. YOu can control their brightness with the switch below them. 

99.9% sure our neighbors hate us for installing this light. 

The outside lights are sensores so they turn on with movement. Perfect for taking out the trash at night.

And finally, Joshua interviewed for a job at Peter Piper Pizza at the end of May. He got the job! He has taken four years of Spanish at school, so the manager asked him to order a pizza a Spanish (or something like that). I think that’s what got him the job!

Oh, and Josh went on a school trip to Washington, D.C. Trip of a lifetime. He is still talking about it. He didn’t send me any pictures to post. But I tracked him one day and took this one. Ha!

The pets being cute in May.

And last, but not least, Sugar thinking she’s a lap dog. . . In May.

JUNE

In June, I finally got my citrine geode from Brazil that I have been wanting forever. Garren went and ruined it by putting two grapefruits at the base to make it look like a penis and testicles. Now that’s all I see when I look at it!

We also bought a new stove. It’s a convection stove. The water boils instantly! Well, within a minute. It’s amazing.

And Josh started working at PPP!

Had to throw this pic in. This is exactly how he looked to me in my mind as I watched him drive away to his new job. 

Miriam and I spent a day at my sister’s watching her kids so she could get stuff done. Hardest day ever! I don’t know how she does it. My kids were never that challenging. They’re sweet kids, but very challenging. They’re going to be very headstrong young women one day.

Miriam got to go to girl’s camp in June. She loved it and can’t wait to go again next year.

Josh and I spent a day together in Scottsdale. We went the expressionist art exhibit where they project the art work onto the wall while playing music in the background. Then he and I went to the mall nearby and checked out the Teslas and the Lucius. It was a fun day.

Miriam and I spent a day together at As you Wish where we did paint your pottery. We had fun, but she thought I spent too long on my Pyrex inspired dish.

Seamus came over and spent a day with us. I wish we could have him over more often, but my life is out of control right now. I also get so sad at how much Cyndie has missed out on. It’s overwhelming sometimes. 

Later in June we went to the cabin.

Josh and I went fishing with my dad at Big Lake and we caught some fish.

We made fish tacos with them. I’m surprised Josh was willing to eat them.

We spent lots of time at the Creek! Our favorite place!

Sugar had a blast. She was so silly. I have a video that I’ll figure out how to upload one day.

And Sugar being a lap dog.

Josh fishing at Big Lake with my Dad!

A bald eagle made a nest in this tree. I tried to get a picture, but couldn’t get close enough.

Garren bought himself a new car. I’ll be honest. . . It ticked me off. Our entire marriage I have always said how the BMW 3 series is my favorite car and he always says, “Get the idea out of your head because you’ll never have one as long as we’re married.” And then he went and bought one. Whatever. 

We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary up at the cabin. It was a nice day. We went horseback riding, went out to lunch, then Garren bought me a wedding ring since I outgrew the originals after having kids. I love the ring! 

I’ll admit, this anniversary was a tough one. Garren has been working about 16 hours a day for the past. . . Year and a half! I have been feeling like he doesn’t like me, doesn’t want to spend time with me. He never really wants to do anything with me. I brought this to his attention and he is the one that organized the horseback riding. But I don’t know how to feel right now. I still feel like he doesn’t want to spend any time with me. I’m not really sure what to do about it. I try to organize things, but I feel like it’s always me.  He did set up a date a few eels ago for us. So maybe he’s realizing he can’t just work 16 hours a day, ignore me, then come to bed and expect me to have any desire to be intimate. I don’t know, it’s just really hard right now. We’re going through a rough patch, I guess. 

JULY

I spent the first half of July isolated in my room with Covid because my facility’s infection control is abysmal. I also got job interviews with Banner and had to do some virtually because I was sick. I would come out of my room early in the morning and get a few cups of water and other things I would need for the day then go isolate in my room. Garren slept in the guest bedroom. I would test myself every other day. Every time it came up positive I saw this in my head: 

Once I was over it I did an in person interview at Banner Heart Hospital here in Mesa next to Banner Baywood. A few days later I was offered all the jobs I interviewed for! I accepted the one with Banner Heart!

After I got over Covid, we went camping at Big Lake.We also spent more time at the cabin and creek as well. 

 

Walking on the golf course, our favorite evening activity.

More creek. Can’t get enough of it.

Kayaking on Big Lake.

Sugar is a terrible camper. So am I, if I’m being honest. But for reals, never again.

Evening at Big Lake.

It’s hard for me to camp physically. I can’t sleep anywhere but my own bed because of my EDS. But I do enjoy doing it anyway because I love being with my family. I love being away from the everyday stressors like work and chores. At home I always feel like I “should” be doing something. But I don’t feel that way while we’re camping or at the cabin. 

At the end of July Miriam started 8th grade. I’m the worst with pictures so I forgot first day of school pictures for both kids. Pretty sure this was the end of the second day of school. . . 

At the end of July I started my job and also started an EKG class to become a cardiographic technician. 

AUGUST

After both kids started school I started my new job. I have loved it so far. Everyone I work with seems happy to be here. It’s been really great. I keep seeing things and being a part of things that are inspiring. 

I finished my EKG class. This has made it so I can work in the monitor room here. (That’s where I am at right now). 

The only other things I have pictures of at the moment is the Fiesta Mall being torn down. I can’t believe it. So much of my childhood was here. 

I started school this past week. More on that in another post. 

It was a great summer. . . Minus the Covid. . . . 

Pets loving on me. 

OH! ANd the last thing that happened this month. . . . Ashley paid off the business! So I am officially no longer tied to Window Treatments by Melissa. Kind of a bitter sweet day.