Flash Back Friday to October 22, 2019

 Late at night on October 22, 2019 we learned Cyndie had died. For some reason all this week I had been thinking it was the 19th. I have no clue why. I was just uploading pictures for this post and it was on the 22nd!! I’m losing my mind. I blame nursing school.

Anyway, I remember it was a school night for the kids. I was packaging up Roman shades to ship the next day. I was planning to finish up my work day and go to bed. I usually tried to finish working around 10-10:30. I was taping a label to a boca when I saw a call from my sister, Ashley, coming in on my phone. I remember having a sinking feeling because Ashley never calls me. We always text. Literally, like everyday we talked to each other at that time. Several times a day. . . . So I answered and she asked if I was sitting down. I said yes. And she told me they had just learned that Cyndie died. She was living with mom and dad at the time. Mom was sick and needed lots of care. She was in and out of the hospital. So it turns out the cops that found her came over to talk to mom and dad, but there was no answer. Ashley and Dad figured it was probably when they were both changing mom’s packing on her chest tube wound and they just didn’t hear the door. So later that night another cop that wasn’t the one that found her came and told Dad and Ashley. But he wasn’t allowed to share any details because he wasn’t the cop that found her. 

Neal and I came over to mom and dad’s. It was absolutely heartbreaking. I felt that I had already mourned Cyndie because the sister I knew died long before then. My grief was in seeing my parents so sad. They looked like little children, sitting tone hair bed sobbing into their pillows. There have been several times in my life where I’ve realized my parents are “just people too.” After I had my own children and felt very inadequate I remember thinking, “Wait, my parents felt like this too! They’re just human!” This was another time. The people I always thought were super human were now reduced to tears. It was so sad. 

My siblings and I tried to go to the police station to see what we could find out, but they wouldn’t tell us anything. They said it had to be the cop that found her to talk to us. So then we went to her house to see if we could figure anything out. We went around the backyard and tried to break into the house. Well, what we discovered next, I won’t talk about in case my parents ever read this. But we new she had probably been deceased for some time. It was heartbreaking. 

I stopped by wal mart on the way home to get snacks. it was about 3am at this time. I remember going through self checkout and something wasn’t working and I started crying. Someone came up to me to try to help and I just unloaded. I said, “I’m sorry! My sister just died and it felt productive to come here and buy snacks for everyone while we sit around and plan a funeral and all that.” I don’t remember exactly what the person said, but I remember that she said something along the lines of “whatever you do in the next few days is exactly right and exactly what you’re supposed to do. There’s no rule for how to handle this so if you need to buy cupcakes at 3am, that’s what you need to do right now.” It was one of things right time right place situations and I was really glad I crossed paths with that person.

In the following days we planned the funeral. I can’t remember if it was me or dad that came up with it, but we decided to have bagpipes play at her funeral. I can’t remember exactly what he played now because I wasn’t there. I watched the funeral on my mom’s ipad with her in the hospital. I think they played Danny Boy and Amazing Grace or something along those lines. 

Well, I’m actually not sure I can talk about this anymore. There’s so much more to record about this time, but I think this will have to be enough for today. 

This was Cyndie’s high school senior picture. We used this one for the funeral programs. 

This was at our favorite Mexican Restaurant, Matta’s.

I took this picture in mom’s hospital room, I believe the night of the funeral.  She was in really bad shape. I think she even made a comment about having two funerals :( It was rough there for a little while.

Neal, Ashley and I selected this site for her burial. We wanted it by a landmark so Seamus could find her easily to come and visit. So We picked this spot under this tree. 

We had the funeral dinner at my house. 

I remember shopping for the funeral dinner and thinking it felt weird buying a “party mix.”

Dad wanted a Mickey Mouse decal of some kind put on the lid of the casket on the inside. . . He said, “to remember better days.” The lady that dressed her and put her in the casket said she put it in. I found it at Joanns or Hobby Lobby. I can’t remember. 

Cyndie’s wedding day to Tim.

Fun family pictures. This was the last time we took any family pictures. She was in pretty active addiction shortly after this and we never really did anything again as a family after that. We tired to go to the cabin once together after this, but she overdosed on our way up there. At the McDonald’s in Payton. Terrible memories. . . .

This was before the funeral. My kids went to the cemetery with Garren and the rest of our family. I went to St Joseph’s hospital with my mom’s sisters to watch the funeral with her. 

Graveside.

When we were planning what to put on the casket I was beside myself, I kept saying, just Disney study, put her name in the Disney font, etc. The funeral director said to me, “would you trust me to take the reins on this one?” I said, “Yes, please!” I couldn’t think of another detail. I am so glad I trusted him because this came out better than anything I could ever have imagine!!! I know Cyndie loves it!!

Flash back Friday (May 9-Aug28th)

 Yes, I realize it isn’t Friday. I was delinquent this summer on keeping up with my blog. I thought about it just about every week. But something always came up. So, here I am, one week into second block and just now resuming. So, here’s what happened this summer!

MAY

So, I started my new job at Springdale. And it was terrible. I like working with patients in long term care, but the people I worked with were. . .  I have nothing nice to say. Infection control was abysmal. Nearly the entire facility was always on precautions for scabies, then we had a TB scare, then Covid came through. . . Long story short, it didn’t work out. . . 

Miriam had a swim competition in Las Vegas. She and I went together. She got to miss a day of school. We stayed at the Orleans hotel. That was fun, except when the people below us had a huge loud party. The hotel let us switch rooms though, so that was good. It was just annoying that we had to do it at 3 am. I introduce Miriam to the show Supernatural this summer and we stayed up late together watching it every night. I forget how her team placed at the competition, but it was fun to be there and a trip I’ll remember forever. I took her to the strip and we watched the volcano at the mirage, ate macarons at the macaron shop in the Venetian, and we harvested our own pearls to make into jewelry at the Pearl Factory in the Venetian. She had her pearl put inside a pineapple necklace and I had mine put on a flower ring. We did way more shopping than we should have, but it was so fun. On the way there I stopped at a jewelry store on the side of the road and bought a pearl necklace with pearl made from a purple thorny oyster. I’ll have to post a pic of it later as I forgot to take one at the time. (I’m at work right now on a break and am limited to pictures I have on hand). 

Later in the month we had new light fixtures installed in the house. Garren and I spent an entire weekend shopping for them. It was fun. Well, I had fun. He probably wanted to claw his eyes out. Jk, I think he enjoyed it. We had been talking about putting lights outside by the grill and the side of the house with the trash cans since we moved in. So, I think he was glad to finally do that. 

We had lights beside our bed in Virginia and missed them every day! We’d comment often about how we wished we had our lights beside our bed. YOu can control their brightness with the switch below them. 

99.9% sure our neighbors hate us for installing this light. 

The outside lights are sensores so they turn on with movement. Perfect for taking out the trash at night.

And finally, Joshua interviewed for a job at Peter Piper Pizza at the end of May. He got the job! He has taken four years of Spanish at school, so the manager asked him to order a pizza a Spanish (or something like that). I think that’s what got him the job!

Oh, and Josh went on a school trip to Washington, D.C. Trip of a lifetime. He is still talking about it. He didn’t send me any pictures to post. But I tracked him one day and took this one. Ha!

The pets being cute in May.

And last, but not least, Sugar thinking she’s a lap dog. . . In May.

JUNE

In June, I finally got my citrine geode from Brazil that I have been wanting forever. Garren went and ruined it by putting two grapefruits at the base to make it look like a penis and testicles. Now that’s all I see when I look at it!

We also bought a new stove. It’s a convection stove. The water boils instantly! Well, within a minute. It’s amazing.

And Josh started working at PPP!

Had to throw this pic in. This is exactly how he looked to me in my mind as I watched him drive away to his new job. 

Miriam and I spent a day at my sister’s watching her kids so she could get stuff done. Hardest day ever! I don’t know how she does it. My kids were never that challenging. They’re sweet kids, but very challenging. They’re going to be very headstrong young women one day.

Miriam got to go to girl’s camp in June. She loved it and can’t wait to go again next year.

Josh and I spent a day together in Scottsdale. We went the expressionist art exhibit where they project the art work onto the wall while playing music in the background. Then he and I went to the mall nearby and checked out the Teslas and the Lucius. It was a fun day.

Miriam and I spent a day together at As you Wish where we did paint your pottery. We had fun, but she thought I spent too long on my Pyrex inspired dish.

Seamus came over and spent a day with us. I wish we could have him over more often, but my life is out of control right now. I also get so sad at how much Cyndie has missed out on. It’s overwhelming sometimes. 

Later in June we went to the cabin.

Josh and I went fishing with my dad at Big Lake and we caught some fish.

We made fish tacos with them. I’m surprised Josh was willing to eat them.

We spent lots of time at the Creek! Our favorite place!

Sugar had a blast. She was so silly. I have a video that I’ll figure out how to upload one day.

And Sugar being a lap dog.

Josh fishing at Big Lake with my Dad!

A bald eagle made a nest in this tree. I tried to get a picture, but couldn’t get close enough.

Garren bought himself a new car. I’ll be honest. . . It ticked me off. Our entire marriage I have always said how the BMW 3 series is my favorite car and he always says, “Get the idea out of your head because you’ll never have one as long as we’re married.” And then he went and bought one. Whatever. 

We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary up at the cabin. It was a nice day. We went horseback riding, went out to lunch, then Garren bought me a wedding ring since I outgrew the originals after having kids. I love the ring! 

I’ll admit, this anniversary was a tough one. Garren has been working about 16 hours a day for the past. . . Year and a half! I have been feeling like he doesn’t like me, doesn’t want to spend time with me. He never really wants to do anything with me. I brought this to his attention and he is the one that organized the horseback riding. But I don’t know how to feel right now. I still feel like he doesn’t want to spend any time with me. I’m not really sure what to do about it. I try to organize things, but I feel like it’s always me.  He did set up a date a few eels ago for us. So maybe he’s realizing he can’t just work 16 hours a day, ignore me, then come to bed and expect me to have any desire to be intimate. I don’t know, it’s just really hard right now. We’re going through a rough patch, I guess. 

JULY

I spent the first half of July isolated in my room with Covid because my facility’s infection control is abysmal. I also got job interviews with Banner and had to do some virtually because I was sick. I would come out of my room early in the morning and get a few cups of water and other things I would need for the day then go isolate in my room. Garren slept in the guest bedroom. I would test myself every other day. Every time it came up positive I saw this in my head: 

Once I was over it I did an in person interview at Banner Heart Hospital here in Mesa next to Banner Baywood. A few days later I was offered all the jobs I interviewed for! I accepted the one with Banner Heart!

After I got over Covid, we went camping at Big Lake.We also spent more time at the cabin and creek as well. 

 

Walking on the golf course, our favorite evening activity.

More creek. Can’t get enough of it.

Kayaking on Big Lake.

Sugar is a terrible camper. So am I, if I’m being honest. But for reals, never again.

Evening at Big Lake.

It’s hard for me to camp physically. I can’t sleep anywhere but my own bed because of my EDS. But I do enjoy doing it anyway because I love being with my family. I love being away from the everyday stressors like work and chores. At home I always feel like I “should” be doing something. But I don’t feel that way while we’re camping or at the cabin. 

At the end of July Miriam started 8th grade. I’m the worst with pictures so I forgot first day of school pictures for both kids. Pretty sure this was the end of the second day of school. . . 

At the end of July I started my job and also started an EKG class to become a cardiographic technician. 

AUGUST

After both kids started school I started my new job. I have loved it so far. Everyone I work with seems happy to be here. It’s been really great. I keep seeing things and being a part of things that are inspiring. 

I finished my EKG class. This has made it so I can work in the monitor room here. (That’s where I am at right now). 

The only other things I have pictures of at the moment is the Fiesta Mall being torn down. I can’t believe it. So much of my childhood was here. 

I started school this past week. More on that in another post. 

It was a great summer. . . Minus the Covid. . . . 

Pets loving on me. 

OH! ANd the last thing that happened this month. . . . Ashley paid off the business! So I am officially no longer tied to Window Treatments by Melissa. Kind of a bitter sweet day.