Tuesday, November 21, 2023 (post for Nov 14-Nov 20th)

 Ahoy! More business, so I’m going to try to both recall events and write them down in the 23 minutes I have until my therapy session.

Last Tuesday, the 14th, I went to lunch with my parents, my brother, and Garren for my birthday. Ashley could not come because her babies are little and a bit rowdy. And she lives an hour away. Sad face. It was nice though. My mom gave me a Christmas cook book, a blanket, and some chocolate covered pretzels. 

Wednesday I went to class then I went to work. At midnight it turned the 16th and was my birthday! I went to the hospital cafeteria and bought myself a slice of cookie pie. When I was doing midnight vitals, one of my patients had asked me if I had any kids and I said I had a 16 year old son and a 13 year old daughter. They said I didn’t look old enough to have a 16 year old and I said, “I’ll be turning 38 in a few minutes!!” One of the nurses heard that in the hallway and everyone wished me a happy birthday and was really nice. 

Thursday, my actual birthday, I slept most of the day. Then I got Miriam from art club and pretty much drove her straight to swim practice. But in between she gave me this mug:

It says, “Super mom, super wife, super tired!” Super right, Miriam!!

Josh went to work straight from school, so I didn’t see him. Garren surprised me by getting some dinner for us to enjoy together before I had to leave for work. We were going to try Backyard Taco for the first time, but couldn’t get there due to some traffic issues. So we just got panda. It was a very nice little surprise that made my day! Then he gave me my first gift: A subscription to the Hallmark channel! And yes, I have already watched 4 Christmas movies instead of studying Arterial Blood Gases. 

As I was getting ready to leave for work my manager surprised me with a bit of a birthday gift. She floated me to the monitor room! I was happy about that because working the floor is kind of killllling me. I had also wanted to work the floor that night, though, because after 3 months I finally feel like I’m relaxing a bit on the floor and fitting in a little more. So at about 2am I got a call from my floor asking to come up to the unit. So I went up there and one of my nurses, Shannon, had bought cupcakes and cookies to celebrate my birthday! So I stayed up there for a little while and visited with everyone. It was so nice! I feel very awkward and fumbly sometimes on the floor. I try to show my best self and sometimes when that is my focus it just ends up in disaster. But I’m finally feeling a little less awkward. 

Friday, I had to wake up early, around 1:00pm, to go pick up my mom from a surgical procedure at Mt Vista. I missed it! Then Garren reminded me that I have a way of romanticizing my past and remembering the good things. He reminded me how terrible it could be at times. Ha. But I had a lot of good times there too. I really missed it. I was also glad that my mom didn’t seem to remember that her mom died there! Or, at least she didn’t mention it. So I got Miriam from school and drove them both to mom’s. Miriam stayed with my mom to take care of her because I had to go to work. Miriam is a caretaker by nature. She is very sweet and took good care of my mom. 

That night I worked in the monitor room. 

Saturday when I woke up, I spent some time cleaning out my Gardyn and putting new plants in. Then we celebrated my birthday by going bowling, eating sandwiches at Steve’s Krazee Subs, then to Coldstone for ice cream. It was nice! Garren got me a steam cleaner for our floors for my birthday. Then he immediately used it! Ha! Then we went for a long walk as a family. It’s so simple, but it’s one of my favorite things. :)

Sunday we went to church, relaxed, did a little house cleaning, then went for another walk.

Monday I had my last clinical. I was on the Med/Surg Trauma unit at Chandler Regional Medical Center. It was a slow day, but that was okay with me. I’ve been struggling a lot physically lately, so I’m kind of limited to what I can do  now :/

Well, I need to go log in for my therapy session now. I’m so glad I started my OCD/PTSD therapy again. It is helping so much in this stressful line of work. My therapist is amazing. 

I have just 3 weeks left until I am done with Block 2. Then I’ll be 50% nurse!

Tuesday November 14, 2023 (post for 11/8-11/14)

 This past week has been a bit overwhelming. Well, not so much overwhelming, I guess. Just starting to feel a little run down. I don’t think I’m going to last much longer in my current position at work. It’s too painful physically. I spend all my time off trying to recover from work. That’s no life. Yesterday when I got home from clinical I was the only one home so I didn’t need to make dinner for anyone but myself. I was starving after running around all day, but all I could do was lay on the couch. I could barely move. A few days ago I went and told my manager that the job was getting too hard for me physically. I asked her if I could be in the monitor room 2 days a week and the floor one day a week or if my monitor room night could be in between my two floor nights. She said she’d do her best. If she can’t accommodate I’ll have to find another job :( And I have to pay back part of my sign on bonus. If I can make it to February then I can start the nurse extern program which would mean I’d be a CNA one day, Monitor tech one day, then nurse extern the other day. That might be enough for me, but I don’t know how physically involved the nurse extern will be. And I don’t even know if I’ll make it through next week! The pain is getting to be too much.

Anyway, in other news. Miriam is becoming quite an accomplished artist. She made this picture of Dean Winchester. 

I think there is a more final version than this, but she hasn’t sent it to me yet. She turned it in last week for her art class. She is very talented!! I posted it on Facebook and everyone loved it! Garren’s side of the family said she had Schadd genes (Garren’s grandparents were both artists). That may be true, but I don’t want to be left out! ;) I didn’t say this on FB because I wanted Miriam to have her moment, but I’m not half bad either! Here is a water color I did of the mesa temple. 

Also, I have these books I’ve been making for the kids with drawings and sayings, etc. This is latest drawing I’ve been working on in Joshua’s book. His favorite movie is Ratatouille. 

I need to do this more often. I find drawing very therapeutic. It calms my mind when I am overthinking. 

So as far as work goes, I found a CNA job at the Stem Cell Transplant unit at the Cancer Center. I wrote about wanting to work in that area last week. Only problem is that it is a day shift position. I could make that work, it would be fine. But they are only open Mon-Fri. So I would have to work on all the days I don’t have lab or lecture. Then weekends would be for studying. Which would be fine, but they’d have to let me do 3 12s and they’d have to always be those specific days. So I am not sure that would work out. But I guess I could try. Also, I’m not a day shift person. I’m not making friends with anyone before 10am. Only enemies. Day shift people and night shift people are two different species. 

Last week I had a “run in” with day shift CNA. The last two weeks at work I have been doing “bed side shift report.” It is best practice and safest practice. It is good for the CNA leaving to show accountability for what they’ve done, good for the on coming CNA to have a clear idea of what they’re getting into, and it is good for the patient to feel involved with their care and feel peace of mind that we understand what their problems are. After two rooms this CNA said, “I will be taking report outside the rooms now.” She made a big deal out of it in front of everyone at the nurse’s station. It was rude and embarrassing. I asked here to talk to me away from the nurse’s station so we could keep it between us. She said that only nurses do bed side shift report and all we’re doing is waking them up, etc. We’re supposed to wake them up and have them in their chairs for their meals! Our manager asked us to do this and told us to turn on all the lights and look at all the things! Anyway, I was really upset about this. Two of my favorite nurses on the unit, Stephen (Wilson) and Loni (Johnson), followed me into the break room because they could see I was upset. Stephen assured me I was doing the right thing. He reminded me that doing the right thing can be very lonely and unpopular. We got away from bed side report during covid and getting back into it is not going to be easy. People have gotten comfortable in their ways and don’t like change. So I am going to be lonely in my endeavors. Loni told me I was a great CNA and she supported me in bed side report. Before I even started giving report Stephen had come up to me and said he felt compelled to tell me that I was a great CNA and that I was always there right when he needed me and I went above and beyond. Later in the break room he said that he wasn’t a religious person, but a spiritual one, and he thinks he was inspired to tell me that right before this incident took place so I could be in a good head space to receive her criticism of bed side report. I think he was right. This is a great unit I work on and I am grateful to be a part of it. I don’t want to have to leave, but I might have to soon :(. So I say, ‘As for me and my house, we will do bed side shift report.’

Clinical yesterday was a good experience. I got to go to the OR. My patient had been in a motorcycle accident a few weeks ago. They needed the wound cleaned and a wound vac put on. When they unwrapped the dressing I could see clear through their ankle!!!! It didn’t make me want to pass out or anything, but I did have some PTSD. The smell of the dressings when they took it off smelled like decomposing flesh. Unfortunately, I have smelled that smell once before. . . . I was in a funk the rest of the time and determined that the OR is probably not for me. I think I determined that already with my physical limitations, but yesterday confirmed it. It was still a cool experience to see the whole process from beginning to end. I followed this patient from the med/surg floor to pre-op to OR to pacu then back to floor. I got to see the entire experience from beginning to end! It was amazing!! My nurse, Faith, was also great. She let me do a lot of things, but also took over in a lot of areas I wasn’t comfortable with. I told her I wanted to watch her do the sub q injections because I was really clumsy and fumbling around with it. She said, okay. Then she prepared everything and was about to do it and she said, “You know, the only way you’re going to get over being clumsy is by doing this over and over and finding your own way. So get in here!” Then she handed me the syringe! It was great encouragement and I liked that she did it right before I had to do the injection. If there is time in between the time I have to do it and actually doing it I get all flustered. 

Now on to this week. My birthday is on Thursday but I work Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. So I am going out to lunch with my parents and Neal (and I think Garren is coming too) today. Then On Saturday we’ll go bowling and out for dinner afterwards to celebrate. 

TTFN.

Tuesday, November 7th, 2023 (post for 10/22—11/7)

 It’s been so busy these past few weeks that I find myself falling asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I hate that. I like to lay in bed and unwind, read from my cooking magazines and watch some garbage on tv. 

Monday the 23rd of October was my first clinical day on a med/surg unit. It was spectacularly dull, which is exactly what I needed for day 1. I got to do med pass with the nurse and sub-q injections. 

Work has been good. We’re getting busier because the snow birds are coming back. I get to remove IVs on discharging patients now, so that’s an exciting new responsibility. Working the floor is kind of killing my body and kind of killing my spirit. I am going to try to transfer to the monitor room full time in the spring of next year. I’m going to wait until after I get a position as a nurse extern. 

School has been good. We’re in med/surg now and this stuff kind of clicks with me. We’re doing the endocrine system, cardiovascular, immune system, etc.

The temperatures are finally dropping a bit so I can go with Miriam to swim before I go to work. I enjoy watching her. 

This is my view from where I sit.

Miriam is in the white cap.

. . . Holding her hands up.

On Monday the 30th of October, I had my second clinical at Chandler Regional. It was another boring day. I was on the trauma med/surg which sounds exciting, but it was not. And that was fine. I like it when it’s dull so I can absorb what’s going on and take things at a slow pace. I asked my clinical instructor if we could leave early so Josh and I could go to Phoenix for the World Series game. It was so fun. We got there about the 5th inning. We got hot dogs from a vendor and sat on the sidewalk and watched the game on screens outside the stadium with everyone else who didn’t have tickets. They lost. So that wasn’t fun. But it was a good game. Then Josh and I went to a place called Insomnia Cookie. We got to custom create our own ice cream sandwiches with cookies. Good memories!

Miriam has been taking pictures from the telescope. It’s broken so she’s asking for one for Christmas. The pictures still come out great even though it’s broken!

Halloween was busy. I was studying for an exam, there was another World Series game to watch, and it was halloween! Garren passed out candy while I studied. Miriam and her friend, Audrey, went trick or treating—dressed up as ghost busters. Joshua worked. 

 I studied while watching the World Series game. They had a moving moment during the game that made me cry. Stand up to Cancer gave everyone cards to write names on of people they knew that had cancer. Then they had everyone stand for a few minutes and hold up their cards. It was really emotional. I thought of both Linda and my very good friend, Cecilia, who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. 

On Wednesday, Nov 1st, I had my first med/surg exam. I didn’t do too bad! I scored in the “upper quartile.” I’ll take it! It’s equivalent to an 86%. Fine by me!

Sometimes when I’m at work I like to look around at what jobs banner has available. I found my dream job. It’s in oncology. That’s an area I’m passionate about. It’s in the stem cell transplant unit. I went with Linda once to one of her infusion appointments. I loved the environment, I loved the process, I loved it all. It’s not an exciting area as it is outpatient and people are just hooking up to bags of stuff being infused through a port. But I still loved it! With my masters it could eventually lead to research in that area!

I hope this job is available when the time comes. I’d really love this to be my first job as a nurse. 

Yesterday, I had my third clinical day. It was great because I got to start an IV and do a straight cath. I did both with success, though my teacher had to do a lot of the “finding” work for the IV. So, I didn’t love it. . .  I felt like I should have been excited, but I wasn’t. It also was very painful for me with my EDS to stand over the patient for a long time to find an IV site and to wait for their bladder to drain. I am still in a lot of pain today from it. I think that bed side nursing is physically not something I’m going to be able to do, unfortunately. That also throws out any thought of doing CRNA as well. I’ve spent most of the day kind of coming to grips with that and accepting that I am limited. Going back to the job I found , though, I think the job in the stem cell unit could definitely be realistic for me. It’s outpatient so the patients are mobile. I’m not going to be lifting people, turning people, transferring people, etc. So I am feeling more and more like an outpatient situation is going to be best for me.

On the more silly side of it all, when i did the straight cath I was so nervous that I was clumsy about everything. First I put on sterile gloves that were too small so my hands were all contracted looking. I took those off and went to put on another pair and I dropped them on the floor! Then all I had left were the ones that come in the straight cath kit and I pulled to hard on them getting them on and tore them! My teacher said, “You have to keep going, we’ve already started. Can’t leave the sterile field.” It was embarrassing. But I emptied the man’s bladder so the task was accomplished.

Today as I was still in pain from clinical and wildly depressed, I took the day to just catch up on some things. I went to the plasma center to find out why they are deferring me (low protein—I knew that, but whatever. I’m doing plasma so I can get extra $ for a family vacation. Garren’s biggest anxiety in life is our retirement money, so he doesn’t like to spend money on vacations. So I am doing what I can). Then I went to the dentists office to make our next appointments because I forgot to do that when we left the other day. Then I went to Costco, then Fry’s. Then I went to lunch with Garren. Then Got Miriam from school, then took a nap and now here I am! I just needed to sit with this new realization that I am limited and not going to be able to do all of the things I want to do in life. 

Oh, and about clinical. I also left feeling really bad because my teacher was teaching EKG rhythms, but she said something that I could not let go. I’m writing it here so that anyone who might be reading this will please learn from this and please DON’T BE THAT NURSE THAT WE TALK ABOUT IN THE MONITOR ROOM! She said a monitor tech called her and asked her what a paced patient’s underlying rhythm was. And she told them there is no underlying rhythm, that’s why they have a pacemaker. But that is 100% wrong! They can have underlying AFib and heart blocks! The heart goes into AFib as a sort of desperate attempt to make a beat. So little impulses start firing in the atria and it quivers. It kind of has a little freak out. So when a pacemaker is put it, an artificial heart beat is created. But the atria doesn’t know that so it is still firing impulses. The pacemaker will make the rhythm regular, but it won’t stop the atria impulses from firing. That has to be corrected with medication or cardioversion. So you can have a regular  paced rhythm with underlying Afib. Here is a picture of it.

Don’t be that nurse. :)

Monday, May 8th, 2023 (post for April 24-May 8th)

 

This has been my life the past few weeks. This our guest room that we made to rent to travel nurses. But I took it over and now I study here. And the cats live here, apparently. 

My final exam is tomorrow for Block I! I will officially be 25% nurse! I mean, I think I will. I have to get a 34% on the exam to pass the block. The lowest test score I’ve had id an 81%, so it should go okay. I need a 64% to get a B. I need a 99% to get an A. Ha!  I had my HESI exam (the Block I exit exam for the state) on Friday. It was brutal. I wasn’t prepared for the way the questioned were presented or worded. That’s the exam I got the 81% on. I was a little disappointed, but I’m trying to be better about my attitude on tests and assignments because I don’t want my kids to think that if they get a B on something they’re failing miserably. So I’m trying to keep in mind what their inner voice will be in the future during school. I want it to be one that is kind and forgiving. I also had my Chemistry mid term last week which I got an 85% on. 100% in my book! That was tough. Turns out chemistry is not as much my thing as I thought it was. I do love chemistry, but it takes me way too long to get all the concepts down.

So pretty much I’ve just been studying the past few weeks for these end of semester tests. But so many things have happened since I wrote last. Where to start. . . 

I finished my clinical rotation at Springdale! It was a great experience. I remembered why I got started with all of this in the first place. This is what I wrote on FB. It sums ups my feelings nicely. 

________________________________________

With the exception of my final and block I HESI, I am now 25% nurse. Aaaand I decided to leave my job as Cardiac Monitor Tech in Mountain Vista’s ICU. 

We did our clinicals this semester at a long term care facility. I got my start in a long term care facility! I volunteered at a nursing home in college for three years. I volunteered in the activities department calling bingo, going on outings, etc. when I sold my business and started working for First Impression Ironworks I felt like I was wandering. I thought I should volunteer again. I liked the nursing home and that population. And for some reason I’ll never understand old people love me. I went to a nursing home nearby to see if I could volunteer, but they weren’t taking volunteers because of Covid (it was May 2020). So I just decided to ask for a job! I said, “Well, I don’t know anything, but I have two hands and a brain: I’m willing to work and I can learn things.” They handed me a name tag and a vitals machine so fast!!! 

I decided to leave long term care in May 2021 for acute care experience at Mt Vista Medical Center. I have had a wonderful time there, learned many great things, and have so many mentors that both taught me and looked out for me. In these last few weeks doing clinicals in long term care I have remembered the population that I originally got into this for. Long term care is not an easy job. it’s also looked down on for some reason. It’s looked at as a temporary place to work or a place to get started. Even the instructors at my school had a bad attitude about it saying, “you just have to get through the long term clinicals then you can get to the hospital.” I loved my time in long term care and I loved my clinical experience. My first job was at a facility that was. . . Not awesome. In the last few weeks I’ve been able to get a feel for the environment at this facility and it is wonderful! after we took the pictures below the staffing manager offered me and another girl in my group a job! I accepted. I start next Wednesday! 

Long term care is hard on the body so I told them I needed to make enough to cover chiropractic care and regular massages! They definitely came through. They also offered me a “career” as they will help with tuition all the way through the Np program at the university I’m currently at. I’ll get an NP with a geriatric focus from Grand Canyon University.

I Love school and I love work so I’m usually pretty happy wherever I’m at. So it’s possible I’ll fall in love with ten other specialties as I go. But for now, I love the consistency of long term care, developing relationships with patients, and caring for their whole being and not just whatever acute problem is in front of me. It isn’t as cool sounding as ”ICU nurse,” “Nurse Anesthetist” or any other exciting career in nursing. But I know I will feel fulfilled in this area and feel satisfied with my life’s work. I may not have as many cool war stories, but the Florence prisoners at Mt Vista supplied me with enough of those for a lifetime.

Thank you Mt Vista and all the wonderful people there. Back to long term I care I go. And happily so 😊

_____________________________

I am excited to return to Long Term Care. I isn’t an easy job, but it’s a great experience. I really enjoy the deeper connections with patients and caring for them as a whole person, not just whatever their acute ailment is. I start on Wednesday!

AND our bathroom remodel is finally done. I am enjoying it, but I am unhappy about a lot of things our contractor did that just happened out of pure laziness and carelessness. I can’t even write about it because it still is eating me alive. I’m glad it’s done. Since it’s been done I think I’ve used the shower in a different way each time!

ANNNNND We bought Joshua a car with our tax refund money so he can help me while I’m in nursing school. He’ll be driving himself and Miriam home from school from now on. The tinting is so dark that Joshua doesn’t feel comfortable driving it because he can’t see the side view mirrors. So we’re getting that fixed on Friday. We’ll have the tinting removed and have the legal limit tint applied. 

We were lucky to find this. This was the kind of car he wanted. He wanted something small yet tall because he’s so tall. It is uncomfortable for him to get in and out of Garren’s little Audi. There really wasn’t much out there. We went to an auction car dealership where they buy all their cars at auctions (the cars have been repossessed). We quickly learned that the type of person that gets a car repossessed is the kind of person that doesn’t care about the condition of their car. We only *tried* to drive three cars. One we only got as far as backing out of the parking space. The steering wheel wouldn’t turn. Then the next one we got in reeked of cigarette smoke, so we got out of there as fast as we could. Then we drove a Kia Soul! The windows didn’t roll down, and the prior owner let kids eat in the back seat. There were stains and juice and soda pop syrup everywhere in the back. It was designating. Then Joshua drove it around and it wouldn’t go faster than 40 mph! That was with the pedal on the floor! So we decided this wasn’t the type of place we wanted to buy a car for our child. He said he really like the Kia Soul though. So we went to a Kia dealership. The only cars they had even remotely near our price range was a Mitsubishi Lancer and . . .  A KIA SOUL! It was just meant to be, I guess. So we drove the Soul and Josh was like “YES” instantly, but he also said, “Now, let’s go look at other stuff.” We were like ??? He said he’d feel more confident about his decision if he drove other stuff. So we went to other car dealerships nearby and they really had nothing. One thing was in our price range but they said they fixing some safety stuff on it and we couldn’t test drive it. So we went back to dealership and drove the lancer so he could make sure he didn’t want something a little smaller. He drove the lancer and said, “Yep. Let’s get the Suol.” He loves it! (Except the tinting). He is not very excited to drive though. He is very apprehensive. He’s going to take it very slowly. he’ll drive to school twice this week. But he’s going to drive my car until we get the tinting fixed. We had him go out and drive around the neighborhood by himself yesterday so he could get that “first time” out of the way. So driving to school this week will really be his first time driving without us. He’d rather not, but it’s time to kick him out the nest. . .  Out of his comfort zone. I am excited for him. I think this will be an experience he will come to enjoy. Next up for him is applying for jobs!

In other news, I contacted my former therapist from Virginia. I was hoping she would do virtual appointments after Covid. We’ll see what she says. I saw her for OCD as a result of EDS and grief as a result of what I went through with Garren’s sister’s and my business. I saw her for four years! She was amazing. I tried to find a therapist out here when we moved here, but no one measured up. So I gave up. I’m hoping to connect with her again so she can help me process some of the stuff I went through in Covid and deal more with some OCD stuff. I think I’ll perform better as a nurse if I can really get a hold of this stuff. 

Well, this semester was brutal and I’m glad for it to be over. I’ll be working full time at Springdale over the summer and hopefully into the fall. I miss my old doctors and I hope they will be approved under my new insurance. They were familiar with all my pre cancer stuff and were monitoring me every three months. I really didn’t want to start that over again with someone new. So I’m working full time just to qualify for the insurance that will let me see that doctor again! It’s probably crazy and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to handle that, but I hope I can. Oh, I probably haven’t talked about the pre-cancer on here yet. I have cancer markers for B-Cell Lymphoma—a blood cancer. I was being monitored every 6 months for it, but mid last year they bumped it up to every 3 months because, “when it hits it’s going to be bad.” But I haven’t been since December!! So I really need to get back there. I’ll go into more detail about how they found it all later. This post is already long enough. 

Back to studying for the final! For real, though, I’ll probably just sit on the couch and watch Supernatural with Miriam. I introduced her to the show this weekend and she likes it!

Here are the pets being pets. . .  just for fun!