I haven’t been writing because I’ve been a total funk and completely depressed and I didn’t want anyone to read what I was writing and be worried or concerned. I say that because when i write I tend to put all the things I’m thinking but not necessarily saying out loud and that is just a small percentage of myself and not reflective of me as a whole.
We’ve been doing psych in school and I absolutely hate it! It has me in a funk. We’re talking about all the things that make my life sad. My OCD, Cyndie and bipolar/mania, Opioid addiction and abuse. . . . Just in a total funk right now. Also, I’ve been feeling like I don’t want to be a nurse after all. I think I’m burned out on patient care.
I have a new job at Banner Heart Hospital. I like it a lot. The team work there is unlike anything I have seen at any other job. Nurses will get up from charting (even though they are behind) and answer a call light, they will empty foley bags even if it isn’t their patient, CNAs will answer the other CNA’s call light and help out. . . It really is a thriving environment. It makes you want to be better for everyone. I also work in the monitor room and enjoy that too. Everyone is super nice. I have to work as the unit secretary in a few weeks and I’m a little nervous about that because I wasn’t adequately trained to do that. So, we’ll see how that goes.
School has been rough, I’m not going to lie. I’m struggling with the medications. I can’t seem to commit them to memory. And I Absolutely despise psych. And I don’t want to be a nurse. So I don’t really know what to do with myself. I see what my nurses do and what they experience in a shift and I just thinking to myself, “I would not have handled that well!” So I need to find a good place for me. The right place. But I have no idea what that could be right now!
I had my first exam. I passed, but I did very poorly on it. I was below the class average. I actually thought I got the lowest grade in the class at first, but it turns out I didn’t. Still below average though.
I had an IV skills check off last Tuesday which I got a 100% on. I wasn’t super happy that she put in the notes that she had to remind me to remove the tourniquet because she didn’t. I mean, she said it, but I told her, “I know. I’m waiting for the safety mechanism on my needle to click, but it isn’t. I think I have a faulty needle.” So, I would have released the tourniquet right away, but I was waiting. . . . Whatever, i still got 100%.
I have trache suctioning check off this week. I’m nervous about it only because we don’t have all the equipment to practice with and we have only been able to practice one time in lab with all the equipment. So I’ve just been going through all the motions at home. Garren has been a great support being my “patient.” He was also my IV patient, but I put the IV in a banana instead o his arm. The state board of nursing says as unlicensed professionals it would be inappropriate for us to practice on human beings and we are subject to disciplinary action. Miriam took about 800 pictures of me practicing. So here are some of them.
My favorite.
Josh and I have been keeping up on the demolition of Fiesta Mall. Josh is a “dead mall enthusiast” all of a sudden. It was kind of hard to see this as Fiesta Mall was the mall of my childhood. Many happy memories here.
I think that’s about it. It’s just been school, family, work, lather, rinse, repeat for me. I’m trying to change up my study habits a little this time in hopes of doing better on the next test. I rewrite my notes right after lecture, I look ahead on the lectures for the meds we’ll be talking about and try to learn them before I go to class. We also do these “reactive and learn” case studies. They take so long that i used to write down the correct answer when I got one wrong so that I would know which one to choose the next time around (we have to do them until we get 100%). This time I haven’t been writing down the answers. I have just been putting the time in and doing them over and over until I get 100%. I am hoping that my understanding of the concepts become a little better than way since I am doing them over and over and having to reread them each time instead of just clicking the correct answer. I hope it’s enough because I’m not on a very good trajectory right now.
Well, I work tonight, so I am going to take my “work nap.” This week I am working the floor Sunday and Wednesday (CVPCU) and then monitor room on Thursday. I’m glad my manager divides up my schedule between the floor and the monitor room because it is getting to be too hard physically for me to work the floor. My EDS isn’t having it! Another reason I don’t want to become a nurse :/ I’m sure I’ll find my place. . . . This past week I have a little spark rekindled thinking about being an NP for Tri City cardiology. That would be nice. I a doctor’s office type job would be better for me than acute care, I think. We’ll see where to road leads. . .
Almost forgot. Here’s Sugar and Rainbow being disruptive. What would our lives be without pets???
