I think I can do this today. There is a certain weight that you carry when you feel angry. You really can feel it. I can't describe it, but those who know what that feels like know exactly what I am talking about. You just feel heavy. And when it's on your mind while running you feel like you are dragging. On Monday when I ran I felt great because this burden had been taken from me then night before. I felt light and felt like I could do more. So I am confident that today will be similar and that I can reach my goals. I don't expect to hit my mark today, but I am aiming for it.
Here's how the feeling of lightness came into being. I started running to cope with some anger and betrayal issues, and the grief over loss of close friends and family. And when I would think about that while I ran, it just felt like I was dragging and shuffling. On Sunday I had a neat experience here I felt like I had done all the grieving I needed to do. As far as the anger goes, I realized that most of what I was feeling was guilt. I was feeling guilt because of being angry toward these people. All this time I had been trying to deal and fix the anger when what I should have been focusing on was fixing the guilt I felt about being and expressing my anger, even though my anger was completely justified for their poor decisions and hateful actions. And then there is the guilt I felt from things not done or said to those who have passed on. And guilt can literally feel like such a significant weight. When you have that on your mind while you are running it takes your mind off of your goals and you can feel like your head isn't in the game. But now that I have had that guilt completely removed from me, I feel lighter and more focused. And as a result, I think today's run is going to be awesome.
Long story short, deal with the guilt so you can get your head in the game. Running performance doesn't just depend on your physical body. Your mental health will affect your speed too.
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Well, that felt like a miserable failure. I think I should have assumed this would happen since I did a big run on Monday. I could only do 4.1 miles today. but I did do 9:50 miles. So that will get a 10k in one hour and if I can just go a littler further! My muscles were just spent after Monday's run. I think I'm going to do some strength stuff tomorrow instead of running so I can rest and get the time I want on Saturday.
