Stuff

Just updates today. Ran 6.2 exactly last night. The footstep into my back yard toward my back door made it exactly 6.2. I'm taking today off because my monthly friend has come to visit and I am quite a profuse bleeder, unfortunately. I need to figure out what to do, though, because in two weeks I step up my training even more to only one rest day a week (Sunday) and I can't count on my visitor coming on Sunday :) No biggy, though. Today was a just maintenance distance run (5 miles). Tomorrow is a tempo run, which will be my first at marathon pace. I'm a little nervous but trying not to psyche myself out. But for now, it's time to relax and have a movie night with my babies as I write to you from the blanket fort in the living room.

I signed up my husband and I for the Disneyland half marathon. I sent him out to run two nights ago. He came back after 5 miles and said, "Sooooooturns out I'm not ready for a half. Or even a 10k. . . ." He then took a shower and passed out on the bed! :) I'll be signing up my kids and both garren and I for the 5k this Friday.The picture below was form our last Disneyland race. My sister made everyone race shirts. We got the Mickey silhouettes with our names in Disney font from Miss Morgan Designs, a fellow etsy seller. I do have to add that I have lost a ton of weight since this picture was taken. :) Look for more pictures from our Disneyland race next time.

As for my struggles this week, I have new updates on those. I've been getting better about the runners diet. In the evenings I look through the Runners World Cookbook and just get some ideas in my head for the next day. Then, when it is meal time, I am not just grabbing what's readily available. I've made spinach and egg fritata, peanut butter oatmeal, and several other enjoyable meals. I'm getting the hang of it.

I'm hoping to bring my kids with me tomorrow to the track. When I run at the gym I always try to have them run at least a half mile of it with me. At the track by our house there is a sand pit for the long jump. They like to play there while I do my drills. Tomorrow will be a tempo run and I hope they'll run a bit with me.

A surprise!

Today's weather: awful and rainy. Joints reminded me of this all day. Thank you joints for keeping me informed. But I ran anyway. I was surprised. I will preface this by saying that i have slept a total of 8 hours in the past two nights and am starting to really feel it today. I went into this run very tired. I did a couple of practice laps to practice my forefoot strike. Man, it is so hard for me to get that just right since I've been running without doing it all this time. After a few practice laps I started running. My joints were achy, I was sweating profusely for some reason after only a short distance and I felt like I was gong slower than molasses.

One thing I REALLY need to get over is that I tend to not even finish a run at the point I realize I'm not going to meet my goal. I realized today I wasn't going to meet my 10K goal at the 6thK. I was already at 41 minutes. I told myself I needed to finish anyway. When I got to 8 k I was at 52 minutes. Then I realized I did my math wrong at 6k and I totally could have finished in an hour! But I let myself get down about not reaching my goal and I slowed my speed because of that. I really need to get over that. And pronto! That, or get better at math :) I was so surprised at the end of my ran that i was actually running at my goal speed even though it felt like I was trudging through molasses. I think (I HOPE) this means I got my forefoot strike down. I think my legs have been sore as I have been trying to use the different method of running and I was just feeling tired. But the proper running style helped me maintain my speed! What a great day! Then I picked up my kids at child watch and ran a half mile with them on the track. They are freaking fast. I couldn't keep up (really. I wasn't just being nice and letting them win).

In other news: I registered my husband and I for the Tinker Bell Half Marathon in May at Disneyland! It will be his first big race! "Find your inner pixie" they tell him in the confirmation email. hahaha. I'm sure he's going to love that! Later this week I will be registering my family for the family 5k run so that my kids can do a race as well. :) We did that one as a family in January and it was the neatest experience.

Short term goals modified:
1) 10k in an hour
2) teach my kids good running posture and correct style.

As for nutrition, nailed it today! I hope to be able to keep it up!

Tomorrow is conditioning day. Woo hoo. . .  Haven't heard back yet from the Roanoke Elite Athletes Club yet. Maybe later this week. We'll be running as a family now in the evenings and on Saturday's so my husband can get ready for his race too!

Super Sad about Robin Williams today, too. Super Duper sad. I felt like I understood him. I have been so depressed that death sounded as nice and peaceful as a vacation sounds to some people. A drink, maybe. A good book. a long hike. Or whatever makes you think of pure R and R. I would put my head on my pillow and think that death sounded nice and peaceful. That was just in recent years, but I no longer associate with the people who made me not able to live in my own mind. And I am okay now. I actually started running around the time this was happening and found that it helped me cope with the grief these two individuals had put me through. But when I heard he had committed suicide all I could think about was the time when there was so much going on in my mind that I could't live with in there. I couldn't exist as a human being with what was in there, and for a while I wasn't! I was a robot! I hope he has found peace from whatever was plaguing his mind. I was able to find my peace, but it took 2 and a half years. Two and a half years of utter sadness, disappointment, damage, you name it. But I finally found my peace. I kept waiting for these individuals to accept responsibility and thought that was the only way I would find my peace. but I found it through my Savior, Jesus Christ, and through making healthy changes to my life like running. I do feel sad for the families of people who don't understand what it's like to live in a mind plagued by obsessive thoughts that are out of control. But I myself can understand the ones who hurt themselves. I'm not saying it's okay or that it's right. I'm just saying that I know. And I hope he has peace now. I didn't think I'd ever live another day with peace in my mind and in my heart. And I do now every day. But it took a long time and I did a lot of damage along the way.

Joining a team!

I've decided to step it up. I have inquired with the Roanoke Elite Athletes team to see what is required to join!

I have set a limit for myself requiring myself to be able to run 8 minute miles before I start investing in this. Today I ran one mile at 9:48, then the mile after that was 9:18 and I ran them comfortably! I could have kept going but it started raining and all the possums and racoons came out. . .  I'm not gonna mess around with them. . . . I set this goal for myself because it is very possible that with my joint disorder it may be physically impossible for me to do faster miles. So I need to first see if it is physically possible before I spend money to get better at it. Tomorrow my goal is to run a 10 k in 58 minutes. I get better and better each day! It's amazing!

Current Long Term Goal:
1) Qualify for Boston and/or NYC marathons

Current OUTRAGEOUS long term goal:
1) Qualify for Olympic National Trial (hey, shoot for the moon, right?)

Current short term goal:
1) Run a 10K in 58 minutes
2) Master the forefoot strike
3) Figure out this runners diet!
4) Find a nutritionist

Current Struggles:
1) Runners diet while also managing Hypoglycemia and extremely low blood pressure
2) left foot giving me a little grief. Twingy.

Triumphs:
1) Psoas muscle doesn't feel weak anymore. I didn't even think about on today's run at all.
2) Miles feeling super comfortable below ten minutes.
3) Ran a quarter mile at a six minute per mile pace. . .  then wanted to die. . . . but still triumphant in my book!

Here's to ending a good training day! Hopefully tomorrow I'll be a little better about the diet. . .  Today I was washing 1 cup of blueberries for a snack and thought a brownie was a good snack to munch on while washing my blueberries. :) Discipline, Melissa. Discipline!

Why I am choosing running over pain meds

Yes, running takes time. Yes, running is boring. Yes, running doesn't always feel great.

Why do I choose that to manage pain over pain meds? Because my family has a predisposition to addiction and pain medication abuse.


Last month we took a family trip to Norther Arizona where we rented a cabin for a week. Halfway up we stopped a McDonald's in Payson, Az for lunch and bathroom break. Since there were so many of us, we chose to sit at one of those long booths that has chairs on one side of the tables and a booth on the other. My sister sat right in the center of the booth to save our seats. She started acting weird. She just had this look on her face. My younger sister and I were wondering if she was hungover or something. Then we watched her try to take a straw wrapper off and she couldn't do it. My other sister said, "I think she's on something." Then my brother came over with his trays of lunch for his daughters and sat them on the table. My sister said to him, "These seats are saved," as if he were a stranger. My brother didn't say anything. I guess he thought she was joking or something. He just went and rounded up the kids. But then she started staring off. My dad came over and sat down with his lunch. He asked if she was okay and she kind of started bobbing back and forth. There was an urgent care across the street so we sent my other sister over to get a wheel chair. I sat next to her and asked her some questions. She tried to tell me something but it was all slurred. I think she was in the middle of having a seizure. My sister got back at this point and told us that urgent care wouldn't see her. They said if we brought her in that they would just call an ambulance because it sounded like an overdose. I asked her something else and she was completely unresponsive. So I told my dad it was time to get her to the ER. My dad was scared out of his mind and said that maybe we weren't supposed to move her. And I insisted that we move her and get her in the car. So from center of this long booth, I sat next to my sister and pushed her inch by inch out of the booth. My dad and husband were at the end of the booth ready to catch her while my brother was out pulling up the car to the door. My dad and husband got her arms over their shoulders and proceeded to walk her out of the McDonald's. At this point her son started to notice something was wrong and freaked out a little bit. I made him stay with me and he kept saying, "I want my mom! I want my mom!" They got her in the car and took her to the ER. By then she had stopped seizing and was able to tell them she took three somas that morning. She said one she took by accident and just grabbed the wrong pill. Given her history I'm not inclined to believe it. I want to. But I just can't. They kept her at the hospital for monitoring and the rest of us siblings drove to the cabin with all the kids.

It was very scary. It was very nerve wracking to have to make decisions for her when we didn't know what was going on exactly. It was sad to watch her son watch all of this. And then when we drove home from the cabin a few days later we didn't even want to stop there because it gave us anxiety (it's one of about two places to stop in Payson). She's fine now, but I wonder if it caused any brain damage.

People with addictions and abuse think they are only damaging themselves. But they aren't! It affects everyone around them! It's a very selfish thing to do. Take care that I am not saying everyone who takes pain meds is selfish. I am saying if pain meds are abused it affects everyone around that person!

I know that my pain will get worse and that I will likely need to find other methods of pain management. I know that pain is very real. When I say these things about not taking drugs, etc people assume I don't know what their pain feels like. I know pain! Trust me! Four years ago I was walking with a cane and a walker! I still can't do certain motions because it takes me out for an entire day (whatever motion you do when scrubbing something like a bathtub or floor kills my hips for a few days no matter how good I feel from running). I know what it feels like to be in pain.

I can't make a lot of promises where my health is concerned because no one knows that future. But I promised my husband that night that if he ever had to take me to the hospital it wouldn't be for a drug overdose. I am going to ride this for as long as possible. As long as running keeps me pain free I am going to do it. And because I have witnessed on several occasions my families predisposition to addiction I will not pain meds. Even if I have to run for hours a day in the pouring rain, bored as heck, whatever. . .  I'm not taking drugs. I will never be the source of that pain to my family.

Please remember, anyone reading this, that this is a personal declaration. I am not judging anyone or trying to say anything about anyone's method of pain management. This is my personal choice and it is based on my experiences with my own family and my own EDS III. I am aware that everyone situations are unique and I am not judging anyone. I am only saying that in as far as I can control it, I will do what I can to not make my family worry about me or have to take me to an ER from a Mcdonald's!

I will run myself right out of this world before I make my children or husband watch me sell all my hopes, dreams, personality, life and everything else to a prescription.

Running with my MIL and ditching the headphones.

My mother in law is visiting :) I was going to go for a run and she wanted to come along but just to walk since I was going to the track. Today was a successful day for several reasons. One being that I successfully convinced my mother in law to run the Disneyland family 5k in May with us :) I didn't think she'd go for it but she said, "Yes! Sounds fun! but only if it's for fun and I can walk some of it." I'll take that is a confirmed YES!

I had another success tonight. Well, I guess it wasn't a success, but I am extremely please with the result and was happy enough to call it a night a little early. So I went to the track to do some drills to strength my psoas muscle and do a few other things. Then I decided to work on my fore foot strike and my foot placement, etc. On my first quarter mile that was just practice with foot placement I did 400 meters in 2:20! So I wondered how well I could do if I was really focussed on it. My goal has been to do 400m in 2:00. So I tried it again and did it 2:04!!! I was content and called it a night! It was also pouring down rain. I was surprised my MIL stuck it out as long as she did in the rain.

One change I've made this week that has helped a lot has been to ditch the headphones! I found that I would run and get discouraged every time a song ended. I'd beat myself up because if a song ended it must have been around three minutes and I hadn't gone very far! So I ditched the headphones and just focus on counting my foot strikes and hearing my feet hit the pavement. It keeps me focused and keeps me from getting discouraged. It has been an amazing change! I didn't think I'd be able to do that because I have OCD and tend to have obsessive thoughts. If I don't have music to distract me I tend to pick something to obsess over until the point of anxiety. Of course, anxiety doesn't help anyone's running. . .
 But I haven't had an issue yet. I think running has also helped me keep my OCD in check. It's been helpful in so many aspects in my life. Everyone should run!

Returning after healing

I injured my psoas muscle earlier this year. Apparantly, that is a pretty significant injury. I kept thinking it just needed a few weeks to heal. But it took forever. I finally felt like I could really run at the beginning of July. So I got back at it and it was hard. Anything before that was just maintenance running. I'm now ready to get back at it and really work on the speed.

It was very discouraging to have to go through the healing process. Accepting that you are a human being and have limitations is always hard. Especially when it interferes with goals. Big goals. I had been aiming for the Boston marathon of 2015, but qualification on that is about to close. I'm now shooting for 2016. My muscle feels very weak right now and I feel prone to injury there. But I was in Arizona for the past three weeks at my parents house and worked on strengthening that muscle A LOT. So tonight I'll get out and see what I can do!

The biggest thing that will be helping me out with my goal is peace of mind. I have almost completely turned over the business to my seamstresses and my Administrative Assistant. Before when I would run I would worry about the mounting work or what emails I had to return to. But the business is almost functioning entirely without me. I still have a few specialty items I need to teach some of the girls how to do. But after that I'll just be "owner." :) And I can focus more on my family and my goals.

Headed out for a fast run in about 20 minutes. Let's see what I can do!

Stay tuned. . .

Getting Pumped Up for today's run!

Aiming for a 10K in one hour or less. Been hydrating and carbo loading all morning. While I aim to do a 10k in an hour, I plan to run 10 miles total today.

I think I can do this today. There is a certain weight that you carry when you feel angry. You really can feel it. I can't describe it, but those who know what that feels like know exactly what I am talking about. You just feel heavy. And when it's on your mind while running you feel like you are dragging. On Monday when I ran I felt great because this burden had been taken from me then night before. I felt light and felt like I could do more. So I am confident that today will be similar and that I can reach my goals. I don't expect to hit my mark today, but I am aiming for it.

Here's how the feeling of lightness came into being. I started running to cope with some anger and betrayal issues, and the grief over loss of close friends and family. And when I would think about that while I ran, it just felt like I was dragging and shuffling. On Sunday I had a neat experience here I felt like I had done all the grieving I needed to do. As far as the anger goes, I realized that most of what I was feeling was guilt. I was feeling guilt because of being angry toward these people. All this time I had been trying to deal and fix the anger when what I should have been focusing on was fixing the guilt I felt about being and expressing my anger, even though my anger was completely justified for their poor decisions and hateful actions. And then there is the guilt I felt from things not done or said to those who have passed on. And guilt can literally feel like such a significant weight. When you have that on your mind while you are running it takes your mind off of your goals and you can feel like your head isn't in the game. But now that I have had that guilt completely removed from me, I feel lighter and more focused. And as a result, I think today's run is going to be awesome.

Long story short, deal with the guilt so you can get your head in the game. Running performance doesn't just depend on your physical body. Your mental health will affect your speed too.

****

 



Well, that felt like a miserable failure. I think I should have assumed this would happen since I did a big run on Monday. I could only do 4.1 miles today. but I did do 9:50 miles. So that will get a 10k in one hour and if I can just go a littler further! My muscles were just spent after Monday's run. I think I'm going to do some strength stuff tomorrow instead of running so I can rest and get the time I want on Saturday.